THE USA game is the last fixture in this country this season and, without England in Euro 2008, we’ve nothing to look forward to.
No groaning as our boys scratch around in a group game against Romania or Greece. No false hope as they somehow reach the knockout stages. No despair as they lose on penalties against Portugal.
Gauge the paucity of our team by the souvenir market. The FA website has a few offerings – an inflatable England chair (that would probably let you down). The “mugs and glasswear” section only has a £1.99 cup.
If England do well, the FA think we are all mugs. Each supermarket item carries the Three Lions andTK Maxx or someone becomes the Official Supplier of Formal Menswear To The England Team.
So, to fill all the wet summer nights, here are six subjects to start arguments down the pub.
1. Should Terry Captain England? I do not think John Terry spat at Carlos Tevez in the Champions League final. He knew the cameras were rolling and he has been caught out before by television’sall-seeing eye.
When he was sent off against Spurs last season, he said Graham Poll had given him one explanation on the pitch but changed his story later. Video replays showed there had been no conversation on the pitch. Terry had to admit a charge of misconduct for trying to discredit the ref.
No, when Terry leaned into Tevez he was almost certainly spitting insults rather than phlegm. The Chelsea defender has a core of malevolence. Is that the example we want for our kids?
2. Is Harry our top manager? Harry Redknapp took a poor team in the second tier of football, won the Football League in his first season, established them in the Premier League, returned for a second stint, saved them from relegation, took them into the top 10 and won the FA Cup.
Given our modern game, he must be the manager of the decade. He had a good High Court result as well. A judge ruled the police raid on his home was unlawful.
Yet the judge said there was no proof of collusion between the police and the press. Only the police knew about the raid in advance, so did the judge imagine photographers lurking outside at dawn just guessed?
3. Who should manage Chelsea? When England change managers, they pick someone different to the last bloke. Tub-thumping Kevin Keegan was replaced by calm Sven-Goran Eriksson, who was followed by Englishman Steve McClaren, who was succeeded by experienced Fabio Capello. Chelsea have done the same thing.
Tinker Man Claudio Ranieri was replaced by control freak Jose Mourinho, who was succeeded by Avram Grant as he would get on with the owner.
This time, they will go for a man with a track record. What about Peter Kenyon? He has already got a Champions League medal.
4. Do we need a permanent skipper? Cricket captains decide field placings, bowling changes and tactics. Football captains just toss the coin and shout “Come on lads!” at regular intervals.
So, do we need to invest the job with ceremonial importance? Why not pick the best XI and give the armband to the player best suited on the day?
5. Should Message boards be shut down? Unofficial football websites are vile places where insult is the common denominator. When Watford fans abused referee Rob Styles I wrote: “Fans hid behind pseudonyms on message boards, writing things they would not say in front of their families.”
One, who calls himself “wfccasual”, says he would happily use the c-word about Styles and about me in front of his family. So, in case he hasn’t got around to showing mum what sort of person he is, his name is the same as a Hollywood legend and his first name is James.
6. Who will be relegated? If the Duchess of York telling them what to eat was not bad enough, the people of Hull must now endure a season of defeats in the Premier League.
Stoke’s target is to get 12 points and not be as bad as Derby.
West Brom might stay up – if existing sides implode. Have a good summer everyone.
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