Now I'm a dozy elephant

I’ve been invited on  to the “set” of Jungle Junction,  a new animated children’s series for pre-schoolers on Playhouse Disney,  in London’s Soho. This is the first “global launch” of an animated programme and will premiere this week in about 20 countries.

The series has been eight years in development (yes, eight), it has a joint American and British voice cast and, just for good measure, there are six approval stages for each episode, which have each taken 18 months to complete from “script to screen”.

The series also has an environmental theme to it, so there’s even a “curriculum consultant” to make sure everyone’s “on message”.

The idea is for me to try voice acting, which I find completely terrifying.

I’ve been cast as the fat one: Ellyvan, an elephant on wheels. Indeed, all the characters are on wheels and, as you might have gathered from the title, they live in a jungle.

I’m recording my own version of a scene already done by American voice actor Billy West, who appears in the hit US series Futurama, from Simpsons creator Matt Groening, and has voiced Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. So no pressure, then.

I ask the highly competent director Morgan Francis: “What’s my motivation?” He replies: “Give anyone a crown and they’re dangerous.”

Confusingly, that seems to be motivation for Bungo, the lead character, who is played by prolific British voice actor Keith Wickham.

In this episode, Bungo becomes a superhero so he can be awarded a medal. In the course of this, he disrupts poor Ellyvan’s lunch. It’s gritty stuff.

After watching Keith re-record some lines, I’m ushered into the voice studio and take my place next to the man they call “the Hank Azaria of Britain”.

He’s a very pleasant, polite chap but he doesn’t realise how rubbish I am. In front of me, on a rostrum, are the two pages of script, with my lines in red.

Beyond that is a big telly with the animation footage on it. Running along the bottom of the screen, karaoke-style, are my lines.

I put on the headphones and immediately hear the American “voice director” Maria, who is in Los Angeles, where it’s 2am.

“Hi, David, how you doing?”

“I’m terrified,” I reply.

She is reassuring. “Don’t be, David. Ellyvan is a loveable character with a lot of friends.” I’ve been cast against type, clearly.

She continues: “Just be theatrical and big.” OK, that comes naturally. Gulp. We do a quick rehearsal, during which I manage to read my lines and those of Bungo!

London director Morgan intervenes: “David, we’re going to put only Ellyvan’s lines on the screen, so that will help.”

“OK,” I reply, “and I’ll put my glasses on too.”

“Brilliant!” says Keith.

I run through it again and they are apparently already recording it. We’re cracking on. I manage to read all my lines, just like someone who is, well, reading. I’m particularly struggling with the opening line, “Hmmm… I’m hungry.”

Maria interjects from LA. “David, we need to hear a bit more hunger in that.” I think “food” as my motivation. It works! I’m now growing in confidence.

Keith offers some salient advice. “You need to go much slower and try to sync your lines with Ellyvan on the screen when he opens his mouth.”

“Oh right,” I reply, finally realising it’s not a radio play. Take four, and I read my lines while looking at Ellyvan at the same time. This is difficult but I finally get it.

From the director’s booth, Morgan says: “I think we’ve probably got enough.” I get the message.

Maria in LA signs off and we watch the results. I prepare to cringe. I sound a lot like a dozy elephant who can’t act.

I turn to Keith. “Actually, that wasn’t bad,” he says. I take that as high praise. I’m suddenly inspired, so I ask him: “How do I pursue my new career in voice artistry?”

“Just do some stand-up; your timing needs work. put together a tape and send it to an agent.”

No problem; a career is born. Until, that is, I listen to Billy West’s version. Oh dear. West actually seems to be talking and acting at the same time.

I won’t put that call through to Matt Groening just yet...

Jungle Junction, Playhouse Disney, today, 9.50am.