Sarabjit, the guide who was showing me around Film City, the epicentre of the Mumbai movie industry, told me:  “You should be in the movies.” Then, just as I was in full preen, he rather spoiled things by adding: “Sorry, that was a Bollywood truth, not a Bombay truth.”

I knew what he meant. The enjoyment of Bollywood films involves accepting that, at key moments, the main characters will suddenly be joined by dozens of other random bods all singing and dancing away.

For actress Nirvasha Jithou, the suspension of disbelief means acting her part in English while the rest of the cast speak Hindi. It turns out that Nirvasha, 35, is a model from Hounslow. “I grew up in South Africa before moving to the UK so my Hindi isn’t that good,” she says, “but it doesn’t seem to matter here – they just shoot in both languages.”

Shilpa Shetty and 'that' kiss with Richard Gere

It is well worth taking the 90-minute to two-hour drive north out of Mumbai (incidentally, it’s not a faux pas to call it
Bombay, the Indians still do, as often as not; they see it as a brand name) to see Film City. It is, as the name implies, a vast site, built for outdoor film shooting. There are entire fake villages, complete with temples and mosques, for street scenes, and tracks through the forest and over bridges for the car chases.

Occasionally, tourists are roped in to play extras in crowd scenes. Nirvasha plays the love interest in Come December, a comedy about Aids – not an obvious source of comedic matter but, says director Faisal Saif, the only way of getting Indian audiences to listen to a serious message about a taboo subject. It has already won a “best story” award at an American film festival and has been selected for screening at three more. Faisal’s next project is Osama, a love story about terrorists.

A FEW miles away, we are in Little Goa, a busy area full of beach-side picnic spots and weekend bungalows rented out by their owners to film companies. I’m on the set of Mamta, a popular TV soap that goes out five evenings a week, where they’re filming a cliffhanger moment, with lots of passionate arguing and gesticulating.

The pace for the actors and crew is relentless, the conditions difficult (temperature and humidity both in the 90s) but they are completely professional.

No one fluffs their lines, no one complains (much) and, with the scene in the can, it’s straight on to the next with just a quick stop in wardrobe to get their kurtas and saris pressed.

The only Bollywood star I know is Shilpa Shetty, and I now know why she wants to make it big in Britain and is currently in London to launch her new movie. Here in Britain she is a rare and exotic flower but in India beauty like hers comes 10-a-rupee. They’re everywhere – Nirvasha in Come December, the women in the Mamta cast, the girls smiling down from every billboard – all ravishing Shiva divas with lustrous dark hair, caramel skin and eyes like rock pools at midnight.

Teeming, tumultuous Mumbai is the New York of Asia. Even though I stayed in the sumptuous oasis of calm that is the Taj Mahal Palace and Tower (Liz Hurley stayed there when passing through Mumbai both before and after her wedding), decamping to northern Goa was a welcome move.

If Goa says either “hippy hangout” or “Faliraki-by-the-Arabian Sea” to you, then think again. True, cheap deals have attracted a certain chav-ish element but there are still vast, verdant tracts of this beautiful province that offer tranquillity and luxury, while still being very affordable.

In the Bardez area of Goa there are dozens of historical, architectural and cultural wonders to behold. There are the stunning churches of Old Goa city (formerly the provincial capital) and the forts built by the Portuguese (who did not leave until 1961, meaning Goa did not join the rest of India until then).

In and around the new capital, Panjim, there are shops packed with antiques, objets d’art and the work of India’s burgeoning school of fashion designers and artists. They have come a long way from cheesecloth tat and
ropy statues of Ganesh the elephant god.

In fact, India is busting clichés all over the place. The modern Indian food I ate in the Taj Holiday Village (the Goan specialities are sublime fish curries and a bewildering array of seafood) was far lighter than the heavier fare we are used to in our Indian restaurants at home and will merely intensify the British love affair with Indian cuisine. If you overdo it, there is a superb spa to sort you out.

When it comes to hospitality, the subcontinent has left Europe far, far behind and that is not a Bollywood truth but a universal one.

● GETTING THERE:
Greaves Travel (020 7487 9111/greavesindia.com) has a package from £1,299pp (two sharing), including three nights B&B at the Taj Holiday Village, Goa, two nights at the Taj Mahal Palace and Towers Hotel, Mumbai (00800 4588 1825/tajhotels.com), a guided Bollywood tour, sightseeing, return BA flights from the UK, internal flights and transfers.Indiatourism Office: 020 7437 3677/ incredibleindia.org.