Menopause: Secrets to surviving

WHEN her 18-year-old daughter Rebecca came home after being away for eight weeks Heather Fairbairn realised something wasn't right.

"I got really cross as soon as she stepped through the door because she put her muddy suitcase on the cream carpet," she says.

"Understandably she was upset by my reaction and so was I. It wasn't like me to get cross over something small especially as I was so thrilled to see her again."

Four years on Heather, now 50, can see the incident was caused by yet another menopausal mood swing.

"It began when I was about 45 although like many other women going through the change I didn't realise what was going on. As well as mood swings I was also getting hot at night, my libido dropped and my periods were erratic."

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Over the next couple of years Heather began to suffer hot flushes, word blindness and became increasingly forgetful. None of her friends had reached that stage yet so she went to her GP and gynaecologist for advice.

"Both immediately suggested hormone replacement therapy (HRT) but I didn't want to go down that route," she says.

"I'd had asthma and eczema most of my life and had been treated with conventional medicine until my mid-30s when I did my own research and found I could help myself with complementary therapies."

Heather, an Oxford graduate with an MA in complementary medicine, set about finding a solution. Through trial and error she found cutting out spicy food, alcohol and black pepper helped to reduce hot flushes. She also discovered that certain beans, soya seeds and linseeds (plants containing oestrogens) helped.

"I gave up working out in the gym because that made me hot and began power walking outside which made me feel calmer and controlled my temperature better," she explains. "I also took up yoga which is fantastic for relaxation."

She visited an aromatherapist who suggested frankincense and geranium to help her sleep, while cool baths and lukewarm camomile tea stopped her getting hot at night.

By 2008 Heather, from Topsham, Devon, felt she had come out on the other side but she had amassed so much information she wanted to share her findings with other women. As she was no longer working full-time she decided to set up Menopause Support, a not-for-profit social enterprise.

The result was a revolutionary course showing how to deal with the menopause similar to those run by the National Childbirth Trust that help women prepare for birth and early motherhood.

Backed by medical experts, including a nutritionist and a psychotherapist, Heather has to date run one eight-week programme and two weekend courses explaining how to tackle the menopause from three perspectives: HRT, complementary therapies and self-help techniques such as diet, exercise, supplements and relaxation.

Heather is now going to train some of those who attended to run courses in nine different centres around the UK, including Devon, Bristol and Cornwall, with a view to going nationwide later in the year.

"We are not saying which approach is best," says Heather. "We outline different options so women can find which ones work for them. Everyone is different but there is a lot of confusion about what might help or not."

The menopause impacts on men too which is why Heather's husband Iain is in charge of a section of the programme for male partners.

"Many men become confused about what the menopause really means and how it changes their partners," he says.

"Initially I was bemused and couldn't understand why I got a frosty reception when I asked, 'What's for supper?'

"When I realised it was the menopause it made it easier because I knew it wasn't me. We talked a lot. Heather and I have always been able to do this ever since we got married eight years ago. Talking is essential and this is my message to any man. The menopause isn't just the wife's problem but a joint one."

Menopause support weekend courses cost from £95 and an eight-week evening course costs from £120. For more details visit www.menopausesupport.org.uk