Sunk by a pillar of fault - TV tonight: George Clarke's Remarkable Renovations
WE'RE popping down to the post office tonight in George Clarke's Remarkable Renovations (Channel 4, 9pm). Or, strictly speaking, the former post office in the splendid ancient market town of Wickwar in Gloucestershire.
There we meet Peter and Julia, the cheery couple who not only ran this place for 20 years but also lived in the ample space above and beside it (which, since it doubled as the local Spar, must have been particularly handy whenever they were hosting a dinner party and realised they were out of peanuts).
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Trade being what it was, or rather what it wasn't anymore, Peter and Julia took the decision to close this business for good in 2018.
But with the shop and their eight-bedroom home being part of the same building, they had no desire to move.
The house had too many fond memories for that. Instead, they wanted to downsize - by dividing this sizeable building in two, and selling one half to fund their renovation of the other.
Simple, eh? Well, possibly. But as George soon discovers on the day he comes to meet them, the structure isn't exactly tickety-boo.
Inside the abandoned shop, there's a rather important brick pillar - one upon which, if I've got this right, much of the upstairs relies on if it's to avoid becoming part of the downstairs.
Unfortunately, this pillar has decided to start sinking.
Added to this, the front of the building, according to structural engineers, is gradually pulling outwards, away from the rest.
Now, if you're doing this kind of renovation and you want someone from the telly to pop down and go: "Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that pal, I'm sure it'll turn out fine," before hopping back in his car and whizzing home to his Hampstead mansion, then George Clarke isn't really your man.
George prefers to tell it as it is. "It doesn't get much worse than that, you know," he informs Peter and Julia, after hearing about these structural issues.
Peter and Julia had a feeling he'd say this.
Still, at least they know now. "That's really bad," George continues. Yes OK, George, I think they've got the message.
"Really bad," he continues. "Crikey!"
Elsewhere tonight, ITV3 has an episode of Lewis (8pm) first shown in 2010, entitled Falling Darkness.
It's one which, on BritBox, comes with the warning: "Contains mild crime scenes and some moderate language."
An interesting use of the word "mild", bearing in mind a woman is found dead with a stake through her heart.
And the "moderate language"? I guess her final words were: "Ouch, that jolly well hurts."
